Ashleigh, Pierce and I have been blessed with a smooth sailing, uneventful pregnancy (easy for daddy to say right?). That's not to say that there haven't been ups and downs, everything is relative but the last 38 weeks haven't been complicated.
You do all of the things that you are supposed to do as conscientious, loving and expecting parents: Daily Prenatal vitamins check, drinking plenty of water and then drinking a little more check, eating 47 small meals and snacks a day check, walk and exercise check, prenatal yoga check, pregnancy classes check, reading reviews on strollers, watching every headline about crib recalls and taking meticulous notes on anything and everything that has to do with the most important job that you will ever have CHECK PLUS!
After the check list is complete and you have purchased the car seat and picked out the bedding, after the nursery is painted and the closet is organized, after the crib is put together and the chair rail securely brad nailed and leveled on the wall, the only hurdles that remain are the last few doctor visits once a week for the last month.
With anticipation and anxiety at the apex you look forward to hear from your health care provider that all is well and the only thing left is to wait for GOD to complete your miracle and deliver him in to your arms. Only maybe everything is NOT OK?
Maybe, there might possibly, sort of could be a problematic variable?
"Let's do an additional ultra sound to be sure"?
I (like many people) make a concentrated effort to calculate all "what ifs" for the week, the month and the year so that I can be as prepared as humanly possible for any outlier that rears it's unexpected head.
I was gut shot! My guard down, I took a left hook that caught me clean on the temple.
"OK, doc we'll see you in two days for the ultra sound".
The orb of love and comfort that I have described before, softened. With 48 hours to digest, analyze and agonize, my thoughts ranged from one end of the spectrum to the other with the majority of them hunkering down on the more miserable side of the two.
We went through what most parents have experienced at one time or another. The crippling fear of the unknown, accompanied by a knot at the bottom of your throat which makes it impossible to swallow and ultimately you taste a salty substance on the edge of your mouth. We were treading water with cinder blocks around our ankles but giving in to the overwhelming feeling of helplessness was not an option.
After recovering from the initial impact and the irrational thoughts subsided, an innate sense of "mommy/daddy" strength emerged. A new check list of questions and concerns created and each item needed to be picked off with the same efficiency as the last, whatever it takes to regain the balance and put us back on our toes.
With appropriate due diligence executed it was determined that ALL IS WELL! There is nothing to fear. It really seemed like a series of unfortunate events took place. If any one of the six scenarios on that initial day were different, chances are there never would have been a concern, the doctor would have never called to inform us of the unnecessary ultra sound. The mental anguish would have been avoided.
One thing came to the fore front with this experience; it appears that with the stakes being higher than they can ever be, what I learned while my knees were weak and my heart aching is that as a parent, there are moments when you have less control than you've ever had before. It's out of your hands, there is little that you can do and that is terrifying!
With Love, Support and Faith as our smelling salt and life jackets we got through it. I told all 7 of you that moving forward, this blog was mainly going to be about being a Husband and a Daddy. My experiences are new to me, the lessons learned are probably not new to you. Most of the time, I'm just working out in my head, what the Silver and Black Lining is.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
At First Glance
After a satisfying excursion to Pottery Barn Kids, one in which my wife accomplished gathering the final accents/accessories to the nursery we decided to treat ourselves to a nice meal at Jeff Ruby's Louisville Restaurant at the Galt House. Why not, we're five weeks from having a newborn, our four year anny is upcoming, who knows when we'll have that opportunity again right?
It's always interesting to see how we're treated at nice restaurants, we're usually the youngest couple in the room, which shouldn't matter, you figure a place with that type of reputation delivers good service. The Fleur de Lys in San Francisco is an exemplary example of million dollar service no matter what. On this night you could tell through the hostesses phony pleasantries and the server's fake smile that they were less than enthusiastic. Our server was a middle aged male with thinning hair and it was subtly apparent that we were not his "ideal" clientele.
I never let these observations affect what is most important, the reason I was there was to have a satisfying meal and share a nice experience with my love. I don't brude over or preceive any slight. In between conversation, shrimp cocktail and ordering my fillet and lobster I noticed that aside from a few employees, there were only a handful of minorities dining in the restaurant. That detection served as a catalyst for a common topic of conversation these last nine months, our hopes and goals for Pierce.
One of my goals is to make sure he knows where he came from, a task that is challenging for a couple of reasons: not only is he three generations removed from Jorge and Cruz Hernandez, but also the first to not have a direct connection to them. My desire and part of the challenge is not just for him to know where he came from but for it to be important to him.
Assimilation for future generations of immigrant families is inevitable. Often times it seems like it's a prerequisite for progressing up the "ladder" and advancing in social standing. Balancing success in any circumstance is vital but especially when you risk losing a grasp on your roots.
After coffee and creme brulee, Ashleigh decided to powder her nose. She went ahead while I waited to settle the tab. I gave the server our valet ticket, thanked him for his service and walked to the bar to wait for my date.
As I was waiting next to the bar and foyer area, an older white guy wearing a polo and khaki shorts, (below the "business casual" dress code described on the restaurant's web page) approached me, extended his hand to give me something and asked me:
"do you mind taking care of this for me"?
An empty Bud Light can lay in his open palm. His party (three couples) while waiting for a table were enjoying a few drinks. It appeared to me that he was the only one "classy" enough to order a Bud Light in a $45 a plate establishment, the others were drinking wine and having cocktails.
At first glance he saw a young Hispanic man in a black dress shirt and assumed I was on staff. I looked back at him, surveyed the rest of his crew and took a step closer.
Side Note: It feels like a fitting time to point out that another goal I have for Pierce is making sure he realizes the importance of collecting his emotions before taking measured and appropriate action so as not to compromise himself in anyway......
Wearing a smarmy smile and delivered in a controlled tone that exudes confidence, something I have perfected over the last decade, (a few of you might know what I am talking about):
"yes, matter of fact I do mind, I'm not taking care of anything for you"
Completely caught off guard, he responded:
"Excuse me"?
I leaned in (to let him in on what he overlooked), firmly and politely pointed out:
"I don't work here bro".
Embarrassed, the man responded "oh, I'm sorry.", while the rest of his party and surrounding witnesses rained laughter upon him, he stepped two feet to his left and tossed the can away. The hostess (in a manner more congenial than we experienced) called their name and escorted them to their table without another word shared between us.
I hesitated in adding some of the aforementioned details because I don't want to give the impression that he or anyone ruined our evening, we weren't mistreated. If I only took one glace at the room and situation, I might not have observed any of those coincidental details. I guess that's the point though, next time take more than one glance. In the end, it was a merely a footnote to a beautiful day and memorable experience we shared as husband & wife and now MOM & DAD.
It's always interesting to see how we're treated at nice restaurants, we're usually the youngest couple in the room, which shouldn't matter, you figure a place with that type of reputation delivers good service. The Fleur de Lys in San Francisco is an exemplary example of million dollar service no matter what. On this night you could tell through the hostesses phony pleasantries and the server's fake smile that they were less than enthusiastic. Our server was a middle aged male with thinning hair and it was subtly apparent that we were not his "ideal" clientele.
I never let these observations affect what is most important, the reason I was there was to have a satisfying meal and share a nice experience with my love. I don't brude over or preceive any slight. In between conversation, shrimp cocktail and ordering my fillet and lobster I noticed that aside from a few employees, there were only a handful of minorities dining in the restaurant. That detection served as a catalyst for a common topic of conversation these last nine months, our hopes and goals for Pierce.
One of my goals is to make sure he knows where he came from, a task that is challenging for a couple of reasons: not only is he three generations removed from Jorge and Cruz Hernandez, but also the first to not have a direct connection to them. My desire and part of the challenge is not just for him to know where he came from but for it to be important to him.
Assimilation for future generations of immigrant families is inevitable. Often times it seems like it's a prerequisite for progressing up the "ladder" and advancing in social standing. Balancing success in any circumstance is vital but especially when you risk losing a grasp on your roots.
After coffee and creme brulee, Ashleigh decided to powder her nose. She went ahead while I waited to settle the tab. I gave the server our valet ticket, thanked him for his service and walked to the bar to wait for my date.
As I was waiting next to the bar and foyer area, an older white guy wearing a polo and khaki shorts, (below the "business casual" dress code described on the restaurant's web page) approached me, extended his hand to give me something and asked me:
"do you mind taking care of this for me"?
An empty Bud Light can lay in his open palm. His party (three couples) while waiting for a table were enjoying a few drinks. It appeared to me that he was the only one "classy" enough to order a Bud Light in a $45 a plate establishment, the others were drinking wine and having cocktails.
At first glance he saw a young Hispanic man in a black dress shirt and assumed I was on staff. I looked back at him, surveyed the rest of his crew and took a step closer.
Side Note: It feels like a fitting time to point out that another goal I have for Pierce is making sure he realizes the importance of collecting his emotions before taking measured and appropriate action so as not to compromise himself in anyway......
Wearing a smarmy smile and delivered in a controlled tone that exudes confidence, something I have perfected over the last decade, (a few of you might know what I am talking about):
"yes, matter of fact I do mind, I'm not taking care of anything for you"
Completely caught off guard, he responded:
"Excuse me"?
I leaned in (to let him in on what he overlooked), firmly and politely pointed out:
"I don't work here bro".
Embarrassed, the man responded "oh, I'm sorry.", while the rest of his party and surrounding witnesses rained laughter upon him, he stepped two feet to his left and tossed the can away. The hostess (in a manner more congenial than we experienced) called their name and escorted them to their table without another word shared between us.
I hesitated in adding some of the aforementioned details because I don't want to give the impression that he or anyone ruined our evening, we weren't mistreated. If I only took one glace at the room and situation, I might not have observed any of those coincidental details. I guess that's the point though, next time take more than one glance. In the end, it was a merely a footnote to a beautiful day and memorable experience we shared as husband & wife and now MOM & DAD.
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